Heart & Mind Conversations

What are Heart & Mind Conversations?

Heart and mind conversations (HMC) are not debates. They are designed for trust-building mutual persuasion and the method is honest openhearted and open minded conversation—open to full disclosure of convictions and that can influence change in the speaker and listener. There are four domains of HMC. We can move in and out of these domains, but we try to progress from first to the fourth domain in a sequence that tends to build trust best.  

Usually a formal HMC lasts about two and a half hours. It begins with each person (no more than four) responding to the vital two questions in the first phase (narrative domain), alternating back and forth after each question. Then the conversation moves to the second phase (doctrinal domain) for two more important questions, and then the third phase (critical domain) for four pre-selected questions. The fourth phase (collaborative domain) questions are optional.  Here is more explanation:

Narrative Domain: First, we share our personal stories about how our beliefs developed. This sharing provides a common experience in which each participant responds to the questions, ‘How did you come to your most cherished beliefs? or ‘How did you come to your beliefs about the purpose for human life and the best way to live?’ 

Doctrinal Domain: Second, we share the content of our most important or cherished beliefs and practices, and we try to translate these by analogy and thick description so our partner can come closer to understanding not only what but also why we believe what we do.  We share both the content of our doctrines and our feelings about those doctrines.

Critical Domain: Third, we express our sincere appreciation for and discomfort with the doctrines or policies and interpretations of the other. This is a mutual sharing of criticism and appreciation for each other’s beliefs and practices.  It discloses our concerns about erroneous or potentially harmful aspects of each other’s beliefs, and our admiration for doctrines and practices that are inspirational and worthy of emulation. 

Collaborative Domain: Fourth, if we desire to act in ways that will benefit each other, and advance each other’s purposes.  This domain explores ways for collaboration without compromising religious integrity.  This action itself is a kind of living conversation that builds trust and even friendship while co-resisting as religious rivals.<
 

Preparation for Heart and Mind Conversation Participants
Before the HMC begins, usually over a causal meal, the conversation partners need to agree on the topics and questions to be addressed, and to follow the rules of engagement listed in The Way of Openness.  The partners need to mutually agree to engage in three phases of conversation: narrative, doctrinal and critical.  A fourth, collaborative phase, is optional. Topics for questions usually relate to problems based in conflicts over values or beliefs—be they political, religious or interpersonal. To set up the engagement, prior to meeting conversation partners should share with each other about eight interesting questions they have, and then negotiate the top four out of sixteen they will address in phases Two and Three respectively.  

Most importantly, conversation partners need to agree to at least share answers to the two questions in the first phase (narrative domain).  This is required to build enough mutual trust to proceed to phase two and three.

Phase Four is optional and parties in HMC’s usually spontaneously decide if they want to enter Phase Four.  The goal being trust-building, a mutual action plan can be premature depending how the HMC has progressed.  

Phase One Narrative   Required: take the time you need to treat both questions in depth.

1. WHY are you meeting for this conversation? Share several motives you have, and what you would like to accomplish by this encounter

2. HOW did you come to hold your deepest beliefs and values? Take some time and share some stories from your life about how you developed your convictions including people or events that influenced you most. 

Phase Two Doctrinal  Address as many questions as you want in 30 minutes, after addressing in turn the first two.

1. What beliefs or convictions do you find the most inspiring, beautiful and helpful in your life?
   2. What do you enjoy the most about your believing community? 
   3. Address your other questions.

Phase Three Critical  Address as many questions as you want in 30 minutes, after addressing the first four.  

1. What do you find most interesting, appealing or inspiring about your conversation partner’s personal story?
2. Answer the same question with respect to the content of your partner’s beliefs or convictions. 
3. What do you find troubling about your religion and your belief community? If you somehow had your way, what would you like to be different?
4. What do find troubling about your conversation partner’s religion or belief community?  If you somehow could influence your partner’s belief community to change what would it look like?
5. Add your other questions

Phase Four (10 minutes) This phase is optional.

1. Do you see your conversation partner as someone you desire to engage more? If so, what that entai
2. Do you believe you should do something apart or together that would advance each other’s worthy goals? If so, discuss it.
3. Do you think you should expand your conversation experience to include members of your respective communities?  How would you do this?

End by thanking each other for the mutual gift of honestly sharing.